Reflections on Not Writing

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't been writing much lately.

This is in part because I haven't been riding a great deal. I hit a wall -- not a physical wall; I have managed to avoid catastrophic bike accidents lately.* I ran into a sudden and rather deep depression. I suppose the truth is that I've spent much of this semester being pretty depressed, but not wanting to let it show. This is one of the stupid things I routinely do that doesn't invovle bicycles.

I have managed at least forty miles or so a week, since my schedule forces me to ride at least some -- but I haven't been logging.  For a while, it just seemed onerous.  Likewise, my mileage hasn't been great, simply because this particular depressive dip involved a constant, nattering anxiety -- the kind that makes me not want to leave the house, and which is horribly exacerbated by holding a job that forces me to interact with the public.  I suspect the days of endless rain didn't help.  Apparently, I am very much solar powered.

I am doing a bit better now.  The anxiety has begun to pass and the fog, so to speak, is lifting.  I am sure that the past two or three weeks of not riding much haven't been great for my training plan, such as it is, but I don't think I really care at this point.  I'm sort of back at square one, emotionally: glad the basics are working, and trying to avoid making the usual mistake -- that is, pushing myself too hard and triggering another depressive episode even worse than the last one (which is, to a significant extent, what precipitated this one).

I thought frequently about writing, but didn't.  I'm rather glad I didn't, now -- not that I'm glad that I stuck myself in an isolation tank for a while, but I think it was good to take the pressure off for a bit.  I plan to build back up slowly this time, and to consider -- yet again -- how what I want and what I need fit together.

In other news, Swift now has a seat post, a saddle (such as it is), flat bars, and nifty friction thumb-shifters (I may still pop road bars on; I may not) and may soon be serving as my friend KH's 'daily driver.'  She enjoys riding and wants to commute to work, and has been looking for a decent older bike -- the kind that's less likely to get stolen as a function of being pretty.  Since she lives only three miles or so from work, Swift will make an excellent commuting machine for her.  Likewise, Swift is a good-looking bike, but not flashy, and not really inclined to attract attention.

I hope Swift will work for her, because I'd like to see him getting some use.  Sitting around in our garage, hoping someone will ride him, isn't really a great career path for such a good, enduring, uncomplaining bike.

In other other news, DD, our friend Landon, and I took a ride together yesterday.  DD rode Quicksilver, Landon rode Swift, and I rode Hg.  It was cool to see DD on a road bike.  I am ashamed to admit he looks better in cycling clothes than I do.

That said, he found QS's handling a little scary.

Sounds like someone needs a nice touring bike.... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-- ah ... ahem.  Er, sorry, I can't imagine what came over me, there.

Well, I'm off to 'sit upon the baby,' as Shel Silverstein once so aptly put it.





* Though I did fall clean off the levee trail yesterday when for some reason I temporarily lost the knowledge of how to unclip my left foot. I imagine this was rather hilarious -- very much the standard 'clipless pancake' maneuver, only more dramatic because at the point where I toppled over, the embankment drops away rather steeply, so I fell not 90 degrees but more like, maybe, 120. Then I stood up and said, "Cyclocross training!" which is my excuse for everything stupid I do on my road bike :)