walking around in tap shoes and pyjamas since 2010 - my cycling log (opens in new window)

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Reflections on Not Writing

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't been writing much lately.

This is in part because I haven't been riding a great deal. I hit a wall -- not a physical wall; I have managed to avoid catastrophic bike accidents lately.* I ran into a sudden and rather deep depression. I suppose the truth is that I've spent much of this semester being pretty depressed, but not wanting to let it show. This is one of the stupid things I routinely do that doesn't invovle bicycles.

I have managed at least forty miles or so a week, since my schedule forces me to ride at least some -- but I haven't been logging.  For a while, it just seemed onerous.  Likewise, my mileage hasn't been great, simply because this particular depressive dip involved a constant, nattering anxiety -- the kind that makes me not want to leave the house, and which is horribly exacerbated by holding a job that forces me to interact with the public.  I suspect the days of endless rain didn't help.  Apparently, I am very much solar powered.

I am doing a bit better now.  The anxiety has begun to pass and the fog, so to speak, is lifting.  I am sure that the past two or three weeks of not riding much haven't been great for my training plan, such as it is, but I don't think I really care at this point.  I'm sort of back at square one, emotionally: glad the basics are working, and trying to avoid making the usual mistake -- that is, pushing myself too hard and triggering another depressive episode even worse than the last one (which is, to a significant extent, what precipitated this one).

I thought frequently about writing, but didn't.  I'm rather glad I didn't, now -- not that I'm glad that I stuck myself in an isolation tank for a while, but I think it was good to take the pressure off for a bit.  I plan to build back up slowly this time, and to consider -- yet again -- how what I want and what I need fit together.

In other news, Swift now has a seat post, a saddle (such as it is), flat bars, and nifty friction thumb-shifters (I may still pop road bars on; I may not) and may soon be serving as my friend KH's 'daily driver.'  She enjoys riding and wants to commute to work, and has been looking for a decent older bike -- the kind that's less likely to get stolen as a function of being pretty.  Since she lives only three miles or so from work, Swift will make an excellent commuting machine for her.  Likewise, Swift is a good-looking bike, but not flashy, and not really inclined to attract attention.

I hope Swift will work for her, because I'd like to see him getting some use.  Sitting around in our garage, hoping someone will ride him, isn't really a great career path for such a good, enduring, uncomplaining bike.

In other other news, DD, our friend Landon, and I took a ride together yesterday.  DD rode Quicksilver, Landon rode Swift, and I rode Hg.  It was cool to see DD on a road bike.  I am ashamed to admit he looks better in cycling clothes than I do.

That said, he found QS's handling a little scary.

Sounds like someone needs a nice touring bike.... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-- ah ... ahem.  Er, sorry, I can't imagine what came over me, there.

Well, I'm off to 'sit upon the baby,' as Shel Silverstein once so aptly put it.

* Though I did fall clean off the levee trail yesterday when for some reason I temporarily lost the knowledge of how to unclip my left foot. I imagine this was rather hilarious -- very much the standard 'clipless pancake' maneuver, only more dramatic because at the point where I toppled over, the embankment drops away rather steeply, so I fell not 90 degrees but more like, maybe, 120. Then I stood up and said, "Cyclocross training!" which is my excuse for everything stupid I do on my road bike :)


  1. Yes, a nice touring bike, something relaxed, comfortable, and safe, a very upright position, with stable steering MUHAHAHAHAHAHA. I guess it's contagious. Be well, brother.

  2. Hmmm ... contagious, yeah, that's it -- cycling must be viral, spread by contact with cyclists :D

    Thanks :) I am feeling rather better now -- the semester is finally over, which means a calmer schedule (more time to ride the bike!). I'm looking forward to unwinding a little.

  3. I think I've been in a similar situation. Mainly school-induced stress, taking up all my time and making me too tired to ride when I'm not studying. I'm still in finals week, but the end is in sight now!

    Take care. Sounds like you know when you need a break, and that's a good thing.

  4. Thanks! Next time, I hope to figure out a little sooner when I need a break, and not drive myself quite so deep into the pits of despair, heh. I'll consider it a lesson learned.

    Hope finals week was good to you!